Today's Horoscope

Your key planet Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system and is known for its positive action. Now, however, as it joins Neptune the God of the Seas, your bountiful optimism is dispersed so completely that you may become invisible. It's challenging to get any traction now, even if your ideas are sound and your strategy is planned well. Instead of trying to make something concrete happen today, be content to spend your time dreaming.

Today's Horoscope

You appear to be having fun today, but a bad feeling is gnawing at you from the inside. You are worried about something that's been on your mind and yet you are so cool that no one even notices that you are hurting. Although you may feel pretty clever about fooling others so easily, you are also disappointed in them because they cannot see past your charade. Forget about blaming anyone; just try to get beyond your resistance so you can be more vulnerable with those you trust.

Dear Dick,

First of all I just want to say that I totally understand your frustration in this whole situation. I wold probably be pissed off as well if I was living in a wonderful neighborhood where there was no dog shit in my yard, and then all of a sudden there are three dogs next door who shit in my yard occasionally. My deepest alplogies go out to you. I can assure you that for the most part we do our best to pick up after our dogs. But you see Dick, the shit that you so kindly placed on the back of my car did not belong to my dog. My car did not deserve to be defecated on at all. You see Dick that shit belongs to my brothers dog. Not mine. I am not responsible for that shit Dick. My brother is. So before you decide to act like a passive child and place dog feces on someones car, you should probably make sure that it's the right car. Once again i can understand your frustration Dick but your acts are very childish and don't really solve anything. Now would it be nice if I took a bunch of cigarette butts and put them all over your car because you are smoking so much that the smoke is coming through our vents and making our home smell like ass? No Dick. I don't think it would. So Dick, in conclusion I hope you have a lovely day and please stop putting shit on my car. Thanks love. 

Perhaps I should talk about the flood?

 I guess that since this flood is such a big deal I should record it so I can remember it. I haven't had school in exactly 2 weeks now. The first 5 days were just because we had sprink vacation, but I didn't go to school all of last week because I was out sand bagging. Monday was the first day of sand bagging and it was definately the easiest. But it was also the worst, because I was with my school and the majority of the people I was with were only there because they could get out of school. Now I will admit I loved the idea of getting out of school, but that doesn't mean I don't care about the people whose homes are in danger. Many bags were dropped the first day and thrown around carelessly and I didn't think anything of it the first day because it was my first time sand bagging and I figured that was just the way people acted. hahaha yeah. I'm stupid. Needless to say the first day was not very efficient, but my friends and I truely did do our best and we did not mess around like the douches who just wanted a free bee from school. It was also very frustrating to be sand bagging around these huge beautiful homes and be able to see the residents in their home watching us. GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND HELP SAVE YOUR DAMN HOME YOU ASS!

The whole system that the school set up for students to go sand bagging was incredibly retarded. The school was more concerned about making sure that students weren't skipping class than actually getting them out there to help. Basically an entire hour was wasted waiting to be called to your bus and yada yada. But if they just allowed people to go to locations themselves a lot more would be done. So the second day I said screw it, I can get a lot more done if I just go out on my own. So Lori, Alison, and I set out to Joei's house to help her sand bag around her neighborhood. But her bags were like 5 million pounds so we went to Alisons neighboorhood which was amazing. I then realized how aweful the first day was because this grood was actually there to get the job done, although the line would randomly stop and then you'd have to hold the bag for a minute which made you lose all your momentum causing EXTREME soreness and fatigue at the end of the day. We also stopped by a friend of Lori's house. Once we got there the seriousness of the flood really set in. The people there were so kind it was absolutely heart breaking. It was so hard not to cry. The water was litteraly only 10 feet away from the sandbags at that point, and we still had several feet of sandbags to go. Thankfully they were able to finish it by the end of the night. 

Wednesday was a little more of a chill day because lori and i were practically dying. Lori had called me that morning and informed me that they were finished and they didn't need any more people. But of course the crest was later expected to rise another foot which meant that we needed to add another foot of sandbags. I felt sooooooooooooooo bad when I found out they still needed people. So lori and i set out again. Instead of sandbagging we filled sand bags for a while and it was freeeeezing because a blizzard hit us and we were in an open garage. Some perverted old man also grabbed lori's arm to squeeze her muscles and grazed her boob. We left that station as soon as possible. 

Thursday was the worst day of all. I had gotten used to sandbagging by now so after a while your arms just went numb. Lori and I sandbagged around the El Zagel golf course where the water was literally up to the sand bags. It was terrifying. It was also cold and windy. We sandbagged for an hour and took a break and then went back out and did a two hour shift of catching and throwing heavy bags of sand against the wind. It was absolutely awful. I can't believe we went that long without a break, but some people go much longer. How they do it, I have no idea. While we were out there I couldn't help but notice we never saw a single classmate sand bagging with us. I hope that they just happended to be in different areas. I was EXTREMELY pissed off at my brother because he had not helped sand bag at all yet. His boss had canceled work the whole week so people could sand bag and he was at home playing call of duty. I called him while lori and i were taking a break and he was in barnesville eating. I bitched him out and told him that he needed to get his ass out there. Brandon didn't think that any of this was his problem. It just goes to show how completely different I am from my family. My mom and I are the only ones who really understood. Lori and I went home to take a nap so we could be well rested to go back out there. At about  7 i had forced myself to get up and get my gear on. I was about to go out the door and my dad asked what I was doing. I said I was going to go sand bag and he told me that they were done. Brandon had apparently gone to the Fargo Dome to fill bags and they turned him away. I didn't know if I could believe that because Brandon is a cunt. So lori called the fargo dome and they said they were done. I could have cried I was sooooooooo fucking relieved. Probably one of the best feelings in the world. 

Now school has been canceled all of this week just in case a levy breaks and fargo needs to be evacuated. I'm just glad no more sand bagging needs to be done. It's amazing to see the community come together and work to save the city. It's really touching. But at the same time you know there are people who are just sitting around enjoying the vacation and watching others sand bag around there house and that really pisses me off. I would have loved to just stay home every day, but unfortunately I have a conscience. 

Bad Day Great Night

Oh my lordy all mighty!

Yesterday was an AWEFUL day. So I have work at 3 and at 2:30 I decide to go out to my car to get my ipod. But there's a problem. WHERE IS MY KEY! I can't find my key! I'm lookin up and down left and right. I even looked outside on a trail where i took Dakota for a walk the night before. I'm freaking out and it's now 2:50. I call my work and tell them that I can't find my keys and they say, "So you think you'll be a little late?" I say, "I hope so." Can't find my keys! So I call my dad but he doesn't answer. I repeatedly try to call my dad. HE STILL DOESN'T ANSWER. So now it's about 3:20 and I've given up. I call my work again and tell them I'm not having any luck and I can't get a hold of my dad. They tell me that they for sure need me there at 5. So I'm like great what am I going to do? So I decide I'll just walk. Now keep in mind that I live on 30th avenue North and my work is all the way in south fargo, so we're talking about almost 40 blocks. I walk two blocks and then think hey why don't i see if there's a bike in the garage! There was a bike, but it was my little brothers trick bike and the seat was really low and upward slanted and didn't feel very good if you have testicles. I looked like I was 5 times too big for that bike. So I start riding and i get like 5 blocks and practically die because my legs were elevated. Plus now my back is muddy and wet because it's flooding here and every puddle i went over went through my tires and sprayed up at my back when it came through. So i keep trying to call my dad and he doesn't answer. I can't ride the bike anymore. I'll never walk again if I do. So I walk but I walk on the curb because the sidewalk is puddlicious. Some douche bag thinks it would be funny to drive through the puddle I was standing right next to and gives me a nice muddy splash on my back. So now my shoes are soaking as well as my pants and my jacket. I get to 12th avenue and my dad finally answers his phone and comes to pick me up. He finally gets me by the time i get to 7th avenue. I was practically like 10 blocks away from work now and a ride seemed so pointless now. I get to work and since it's spring and it's friday there are only 5 kids in the preprimary 1 room and 5 kids in the toddler room. I'm litteraly only needed in the room for 20 minutes and then our ration is fine. So I do stupid closing stuff. I know that they techincally needed me for those 20 minutes but our boss was out. They could have handled it. So i never did find my key and I tried numerous ways of getting into my car. Btw the tennis ball thing doesn't work. So basically i'm fucked. So today we had a blacksmith come over and get my car open and I was hoping that maybe my spare key would be somewhere in my car but it wasn't. So i had a new key made and now i lost 71 dollars and 91 cents. 

But last night I talked to Stu and it was amazing and I went to bed feeling very very VERY happy. Thank you for being amazing stu. 

I need...

to get laid. haha I don't need to get laid, but I'm ready to have a relationship with someone. It's not that I'm tired of being alone, because I really don't mind it. I don't have anything to campare it too, but I think it would be nice to have a significant other for once. I can't help but think that it's very weird that I've never had a relationship. I've come to terms with the fact that it's just not going to happen here in Fargo. Which is fine, because high school relationships are pretty pointless except for having som experience. I just have not met anyone here in fargo that I would even consider dating. When that's written down it makes me sound like a snob, but you don't even know. Fargo gays as far as I've witnessed, wich isn't a lot, are either creepy or sluts who take being gay to an extreme. I just want to move to the cities so I can meet new people. Now I know what you're thinking. I'm going to want a relationship so bad that I'm going to end up being a slut or dating stupid people. But I'm smarter than that. I hope.... lol

I just want to cuddle with a real person instead of manon and purple frog. 

i am alive.

Sooooooooooooo it's been a few months.

I just needed to take a break from all of this. I needed to close myself off from some things. But I'm back. So much has happened since I last wrote in here, I don't even know where to begin. It's hard to know what to censor and what is okay for me to write about. I'd like to say that this is my diary, but it's a very public diary. 

Ummmmmm i honestly don't know what to write. 

I guess I'm pretty happy right now. Probably the happiest I've been in a year. A bit stressed, but happy. 

I think I'm just going to sit here staring at the screen and continue to attempt to scratch that impossible spot on my back. 

Maybe I should talk about college? I dont' know there's so much to say. I don't know if I can find the energy to type it all out. 

Well........ college. I don't know where I'm going to go. I was all set on the Art Institute, but now I don't know anymore. All of my art teachers have pulled me aside and told me that they don't think it's right for me. They think that it's not going to challenge me enough and I should be going to a fine arts school rather than a more technical art school. I must say I kind of agree. But now I don't know if it's too late. It's so easy to just say I'm going to the art institute but I don't want to make the wrong decision. It's sooooooooo expensive. I don't want to waste my money. My other options are MCAD and MSUM. I would like MCAD but I think it's a little more prestigious and it kind of scares me, which is what I need i guess. I don't want to go to MSUM because1st off it's not an art school. 2nd it's in Fargo. I need to get the hell out of this town. I used to be contempt with fargo and the peole in it, but I've never wanted to leave this shitty city so bad. I think part of that is because I just want to run away from my problems rather than deal with them. But I've already dealt with them. I just want to start over new with new people where no one knows who I am and there is no history to base judgments off. Not that people are judging me, I just don't want there to be any reason for me to judge or for others. I don't know if I'm making sense. I'm kind of just typing. 

Holy christ i have almost 500 emails to go through. I think I'm just going to delete all of them. The Art Institute keeps trying to contact me but I'm scared to go any further. I wish that i didn't want to achieve anything in my life so I could just not go to school and work contsruction with my brother. That sounded mean. He will achieve things as a construction worker, but I could never. 

Maybe I'll post some pictures for you all. 

Hopefully some pictures of Joei StGermain and Alison Brorby will come up on google image now.